


Dangerous Secrets

by Duck_Life



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Brothers, Drunkenness, Episode: s05e18 If You Can't Be With The One You Love..., Family, Gen, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 06:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14710458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Life/pseuds/Duck_Life
Summary: While Shawn is drunk he accidentally reveals something about Chet.





	Dangerous Secrets

The apartment is too hot and too loud, and Cory’s there. This place is the roomiest space Shawn’s ever lived but it feels too cramped now, suffocating. It gets even more cramped when Jack comes in, swipes the bottle of beer away from him, starts yelling about alcohol and responsibility and their father.

Shawn isn’t sure if he’s the one getting up in Jack’s face or if it’s the other way around. He’s pissed off, so he thinks it might be him.

Jack says a bunch of loud stuff about his mother leaving Shawn’s father (Shawn usually separates them like that, like they aren’t even half-brothers, because Jack has a whole father and a whole mother and, really, why can’t he be happy with that? Why does he want Chet too?). Jack says, “You know why my mom left him?”

Shawn scoffs. “’Cause she went for a guy with more money?”

And then Shawn’s sure that he was wrong, that Jack’s the one who’s really angry, the one who’s filling up the too-small apartment, because suddenly Shawn feels too-small too. Jack says, “She left him because he was an abusive, ugly drunk.”

Without thinking Shawn snaps, “Big deal. He hits just as hard when he's sober.”

He shrinks down too small then and the world swallows him up. Nothing is defined or clear, just blurs of color yelling at other blurs of color. When the world finally spits him back out, he’s sitting on the couch with Cory and they’re the only two people in the room.

“Cor?”

“Mm?”

“I fucked up, didn’t I?”

Cory’s rubbing circles into his back through the fabric of his t-shirt. He looks at Shawn the way people look at small children, dogs and drunk people. “It’s okay, Shawnie,” he says even though it’s not, even though it never is. “It’s okay. Jack’s just talking to the girls outside.”

The girls were there? Shawn missed that. “Jack’s mad at me,” Shawn mumbles.

“Mm.” Cory doesn’t let up on the little circles, and Shawn wants it to be comforting but it’s just starting to make him dizzy. “If it makes you feel better, he’s mad at me too.” Shawn stares at him, confused, hair falling in his eyes. “He thinks I knew and didn’t tell anyone,” Cory explains. “And… and I’m guessing you never told me because you knew that I _would_ tell someone.”

Shawn grunts something that’s pretty much a confirmation. The room is spinning, Cory’s little circles are spiraling, spiraling. He didn’t even think he was that drunk. But then again, he wasn’t really keeping count of the bottles he’d been sneaking all week.

He suddenly feels like he needs to explain himself to Cory— and there’s a little nagging, guilty part of him telling him he needs to defend his father. “It’s not all the time,” he says groggily, swaying a little as the room sways. “It’s not even most of the time. It’s just when I screw something up…” He frowns. “Which, yeah, I guess that’s actually most of the time.”

Cory clicks his tongue like he wants to say something, to jump in and tell Shawn all these wonderful things, to tell him that he’s really great and smart and sensitive and not just a waste of space, a screw-up. But he just sits there. Just sits there and keeps making little circles on Shawn’s back.

When he finally speaks, he surprises Shawn. “Did Claire know?”

He thinks about Claire, sweet, brave Claire who used to come and sleep in Shawn’s bed while he took the floor. Claire, who used to come stay with him in the trailer park and make up all these excuses for her shitty dad. Just like Shawn’s doing now. “Yeah, she knew,” Shawn says. “That’s why I didn’t want you to know about her.”

“You could have told me,” Cory says, sounding hurt. And kind of childish, if Shawn’s being honest. Like he just found out he didn’t get invited to some cool party Shawn went to. “I could have helped you. Like how you helped Claire.”

Shawn smiles. It feels funny on his face, like his lips are made of wax. “You did,” he reminds Cory. “How many times have I slept over at your house, Cor? You helped me without even knowing it.”

“I still wish you told me,” Cory says. Shawn shrugs and lists to the side, leaning on Cory. “Nobody should hurt you. Nobody should ever, ever hurt you.”

Jack and Angela and Topanga come back inside then, all of them watching Shawn like he might run away any second. Topanga flops down on the couch beside him and immediately pulls him into a tight hug. Shawn gets a faceful of hair but he appreciates the affection. Then Topanga jumps up and switches to the other side of the couch with Cory so Angela can sit down beside Shawn.

She holds his hand and looks at him with those sad, sad eyes, and somehow it feels even nicer than the big hug from Topanga. Jack sits down on the edge of the coffee table across from Shawn.

“When Dad comes back into town,” he says slowly, “I don’t want you to see him without me there. You understand?” Shawn nods jerkily, feeling like he’s being punished. “And no more drinking,” Jack adds, like it’s an afterthought. It feels weird that that’s what started all this. “You’re too young, and besides, we don’t handle it well.”

Shawn feels suddenly very embarrassed to have everyone there, Angela and Cory on either side and Topanga watching from the arm of the couch. It’s like every week it’s something new— Shawn’s tossing cherry bombs in mailboxes, Shawn’s joining a cult, Shawn’s getting hit by his dad. He’s sick of his problems always becoming everyone’s problems.

Finally, everyone filters off, leaving Shawn to start working on the hangover he’s bound to get hit with.  To his surprise, as soon as he waves goodbye to Cory and shuts the door, he turns and gets dragged into a bear hug by his older brother.

“I’m really glad you’re living here with me and Eric,” Jack says, sounding scared. And relieved. Shawn’s startled, and it takes him a second to hug back. “I’m so… God, I’m so sorry I wasn’t around. I wish I’d been around when you were a kid. Jesus, I’m sorry, Shawn.”

Shawn squints. The lights in the apartment are suddenly too bright. “I was being a jerk,” he mumbles, still too drunk to be having this conversation. “Shouldn’t’ve said what I said.”

Jack ruffles his hair affectionately. The gesture feels awkward to both of them. He gets more serious, then, putting a hand on each of Shawn’s shoulders.

“None of the times that Dad hurt you was it ever remotely okay,” he says. “Not once. I want you to know that, Shawn, okay?” He sounds more like a big brother than Shawn’s ever heard him sound. It’s kind of nice. “It’s not okay. Not when you were little, not last year, not ever.” Shawn nods, his head pounding. He just wants to lie down. Jack seems to realize this. “Get some sleep,” he says, jostling him a little and pointing him toward his room.

As he’s nearing the door, Shawn turns back and tells his big brother, probably for the first time, “I love you.”

Jack grins. “Love you, too.”


End file.
